Fine

I’m fine, it’s fine, we’re fine! These are words that I’ve been saying my entire life....or for at least as long as I remember. I say them everyday. I say them when they are truth and when they are not. When I take time to reflect and consider why I do this, I realize that it isn’t just that I wanted to perform that common courtesy of not getting into my “stuff” with others. You know what I mean, we all know that when someone asks how you are doing, they are expecting you to say “fine”. Others don’t expect a real answer… We have been socially conditioned to smile and always appear as our best selves. Maybe that is originally where the “I’m fine” came from for me, the want to please others, but that’s not where it comes from today. After years of presenting this way, I am realizing that I have swallowed a lot of tough things without working though them in a hurry to get back to being “fine”. I realized that I say it whether it is the truth or not in an attempt to convince myself that it is. I pride myself on being optimistic - a truly positive person. Someone that learns from failures, and sees the silver lining. But do you have to be fine all the time to do that? I’m starting to think you don’t. I’m starting to think that feeling the emotions that come along with failures and tough things is extremely beneficial... it is part of the process! Sitting in the pain, disappointment, embarrassment, frustration, guilt, and truly letting yourself feel and work through it is when the best learning can be done. You don’t have to be all right every day! You don’t have to feel happy every day! You don’t have to not hurt in order to be thankful! You don’t have to not feel pain and grief in order to be OK. It’s OK to not be fine for a period of time, in fact I’m realizing each and every day… That it is important to not be fine and to not push emotions down. You have the choice once you feel those emotions whether to come back and recover stronger or not. I’ve always believed that to be strong, positive, and to be honest, liked, I had to be fine. 2020 is the year where I may not be fine every day. If you ask me how I’m doing, I may still respond with “fine” but have no doubt I am doing the work! … I am going to let myself feel all the feels. I know that I will eventually be fine. I making a promise, I will come out stronger, I will learn, I will grieve, I will feel, and I will allow myself not to be fine sometimes! I encourage you to do the same.